Trust is a Conspericy Theory

People are disappointing. As soon as you need them, they're gone. Nobody sticks around, eventually everyone will leave and all that's gonna be left is one person full of broken dreams and lost hope. Trust is a conspiracy theory. It doesn't exist. Sondheim can write pretty songs about how no one is alone, but in reality alone is a common occurrence. I should know by now that rekeying on others is pointless.

Don't you know I'm afraid of thunder? Yet even as the lightning illuminates my dark bedroom, I am still alone.

My Life Dedicated to Perfection (made from a Glamour)

The key isn't whether or not you're perfect, but whether you berate yourself internally about it.

What do you worry about?

The best?

Better?

Are you normal?

Strong?

What do most people not know about you?

Who's grateful for you right now?

Speak up about confidence.

How far would you go?

Can courage ever work?

What makes a true miracle?

It's your time.

Bring out your own beautiful.

Find your magic.

Choose your destiny.

Own your style,

Look like you.

You're amazing,

Beautiful,

Dependable,

Sensational,

Pure as sunlight, rare as a yellow diamond,

Strong, confident, enduring.

Real ideas inspire unforgettable beauty.

Is this why beauty stays bold?

STR8 Against H8

Today, looking through my subscriber videos on youtube, I had a new Kelley video from liamkylesullivan. There hasn't been a new one of those in a while, so I got very excited and watched it right away. It was a campaign preventing homosexual hate. The campaign is called FCKH8. People can buy t-shirts, hoodies, tank tops, and other paraphernalia with various phrases against hate/violence and the profits go to foundations like the Trevor Project. I'll most deffinatly be buying a STR8 AGAINST H8 t-shirt.

This is a huge problem. 10% of the world's population is gay. My best friends are gay. If anyone hurts them, I'll hurt the haters. My challenge to you is to help stop it. The offensive slang terms are worse than swears in my opinion. Next time you hear someone say just how gay that is or how much of a faggot someone else is, tell them how uncool it is to turn someone's sexual orientation into a vulgarity. Remind them that the true meaning of the word gay is happy. It's about damn time that the world knows that this isn't okay.

The Holiday Grouchies

I remembered today why I hate holidays. Not only are parents not home, but my sister flew off with her boyfriend. Also, every other human being that you know is busy with their own family. Today is that stupid holiday that everyone loves, Christmas. Not only am I compleatly alone, I'm Jewish. This holiday holds no real amusmant for me. Today, I have watched 3 movies, drawn in my 642 Things to Draw book, used oil and chalk pastels, listened to a ton of music, watched several television shows, and talked briefly with my best friends. I am bored and lonely. Thus, holidays = SUCK. Oh yeah, and as soon as we thought that was it, nope. Add a day full of menstral cramps and sucky hormones. Now every emotion I feel is increased by about 2,100. Thanks uterus. So much. So I hope you all had a merry fracking Christmas!

Something Happened...

Something happened this weekend. Let's start by saying I was at a two-day theater festival hosted by my school, where over 300 other drama kids partied with us. The first day I spent entirely with the same group of people working on a showcase preformance. While offstage, I got to talking with one boy. We talked about alot of things; our families, religion, acting, ect. Well, there was a dance that night and he had asked if I would dance with him. I told him I would and he kissed the back of my hand. It was sweet. He kept telling me how special I was, how pretty I was, how good my song was. He made me smile. I ate dinner with him too. But durring the showcase preformance, as we danced, his hand kind of found it's way to my ass. I then took some time away from him, had time to think, and remembered that he lives over an hour away. I did ask a friend to give him my number though, and I'm now waiting anxiously for him to call or text. Anything.

The Movies That Just Make You Wonder

Today, I stayed home sick. By about 1 o'clock, I was totally done with it. I was bored and I really wanted to get out. So I went onto Fancast to look at the free movies. These are the movies that made me wonder things like who would come up with this idea? Who would want to watch it? Who would be willing to act in this? Why am I not watching this RIGHT NOW? Here is a list of ony some of the titles that made me giggle.

• Cheerleader Ninjas
• Killer Condom
• Bad Girls from Mars
• Too White for Me
• Good Dick
• Where in the World is Osama bin Laden?
• Totally Baked: a Pot-u-mentary
• 24 Hours on Craigslist
• The French Guy
• Hittin' It!
• Michael Moore Hates America
• Men with Brooms
• Fast Sofa

One question. Why?

Smitten as a Schoolgirl

Yes world, that is correct. I, Carolyn Nicole, have fallen head over heels into silly teenage romance. He is a year younger than I, but he is quite handsome! He has thick blonde hair that I want nothing more than to run my finger through, gorgeous blue eyes with a sweet sort of twinkle in them, and a manly phisique. He sits in front of me and to the right in my first block Geometry class and he is in all of my after school drama programs. I know that I will be getting to know him a lot better very soon. You see, it is very rare to find a good straight guy who is into drama. And what else is so special about him? I actually want to tell my mother about him. This is a big deal for me, since I don't really tell my mom about my life.

I was only mildly interested, until this afternoon. When I talked to him. Because I really like him. Alot.

It was as we were leaving the ITS meeting, and I said, "Hey, you're in my Geometry class." And he said, "Yeah, I am." And the conversation did not end there! We kept talking! And then as I was walking away with some friends and my ride, acting like a giddy fool, he called my name. True, it was only to tell me that Janna was looking for me, but nevertheless, he called my name!

Tomorrow, I think I'll wave to him!