Liana

I keep having this dream where I see a little girl with long dark curly hair and bright blue eyes. Every time she comes to me she had a ribbon in her hair somehow. She can't be older than 3 or 4 yet she seems to know so much. She has a heart shaped face and perfect little lips. She's got a button nose and flushed cheeks. Every time I see her she reaches out to me and smiles. She's the most adorable thing ever and for some reason I want to call her Liana. I don't know what it means, but she seems so real, as if I could reach back and take her hand. I desperatly want to protect her and care for her. Liana has been coming to me for a week now, and I don't want her to go away. She's too real to leave.

Making Me Special!

I discovered about 2 seconds ago that my bandcamp is the 4th link to come up when you google my name. I think this deserves a blog!

I got a comment on one of my chain mail posts from someone who is not actually a close friend. Or a friend at all really. This made me feel incredibly special! Someone read my blog and I didn't have to send them the link and tell them to do it!

Then I checked my youtube where I posted a vlog today. It had a comment after 3 hours of being online.

Then I googled myself and there it was, my bandcamp link!

People are listening to me, even if it isn't anything really big (yet) they are listening and that makes me feel like I can actually make a difference about something. Thank you all for making me feel special! I love you all!

Chain Emails (Part 2)

Chain email # 3

WARNING : THIS IS ONLY FOR Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because boys are an alien race who want to destroy the women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you know kissing is healthy and not kissing is a SIN
Bananas are good for cramps but wont work in 5 seconds so why even bother?
Its good to cry unless it's stupid stuff you're crying over
Chicken soup actually makes you feel better unless you're a vegetarian/vegan or are allergic to any ingreediants or just don't like soup. Then it kinda sucks.
94% of boys would love it if you sent them flowers even if they would kill them before the day is out...
Lying is actually unhealthy however they do make life more interesting!
Only apply mascara to your top lashes PLEASE! The bottom just looks weird.
Its actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you! They also chase you around the playground and try to avoid you cooties :)
Its impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed Go ahead and try it. Come on, you know you want to!
(If you are not thinking about it) You tried it didn't you?
89% of guys want YOU to make the 1st move because they are COWARDS!
Chocolate will make you feel better! Chocolate makes everything better!
Most boys think its cute when you say the wrong thing Unless it's their name you mess up...
A GOOD FRIEND NEVER JUDGES A GREAT FRIEND JUDGES AND TELLS YOU THEIR HONEST OPINION!
A good foundation will hide hickeys! Hide hickeys? Display them proudly!!!
Boys arent worth your tears This is very true.
We ALL love surprises!! Bullshit. I HATE surprises! I need to know what is going on all the time unless I am the one being spontanious. Surprises suck.
Now.... make a wish 11:11?
Wish REALLLLLLY hard!!! EEERRRR!!!!!
WISH WISH WISH WISH I AM DAMMIT!
Your wish has just been received WOAH
Send this on to ALL your girlfriends in the next 15 minutes and... and? And what?
Your wish WILL BE GRANTED WTF?
Thats a promise!! LIARS!!!!!!

Chain email # 4
12 signs that ur in love and mentally ill
TWELVE : You walk really slow when you're with them. They need to speed up
ELEVEN: > > You feel shy whenever they're around. Like you have to hide yourself to be loved. That is truely self esteem shining through!
TEN: > > You smile when you hear their voice. Especially when they say "HI". Actually, that's all they ever say to you...
NINE: > When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her. This could also be temporary blindness, illusions, or halucinations.
SEVEN: > > They're all you think about. Sometimes you forget to breath and eat.
Where the hell is 8?
SIX: > > > You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them. The drooling is mearly a side effect.
FIVE: > > You would do anything just to see them. Like go motercycling or jump off cliffs...just saying...
FOUR: > > While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time. Dumbledore.
THREE: > > You just smiled because it's true. Crazy old gay wizard!
TWO: > > You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number eight was missing. Are you questioning my love for Dumbledore?
ONE: > > You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself. Glad to know you have to check if you know your numbers or not!
NOW MAKE A WISH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO...... Well only if all the cool kids are doing it!


ALMOST THERE Really? I don't believe you.


* send this to at lest 5 people in the next 10 min. And I say no...? And something good will happen Good meaning...? Because you read this, you will get kissed on Friday. That is far from specific. This Friday? Next Friday? Any Friday? BREAK IT and your crush will ask someone else out. But you never really had a chance with him anyway so what's the big hullabaloo about? Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Sweet! However, Damn! Exceptions! if you don't send this to at least 10 people, by at least 1am, It's 1:12 now...Oops...Can't send it even if I wanted to suckers! you will have bad luck for the rest of your sorry pathetic excuse of a life. Just copy, paste and you will get kissed snogged, pecked, smooched if you will on some unknown Friday. DON'T send it back to the person who sent it to you. That is annoying as hell. TAG UR IT!! What is this? Since when is this a game? Curses I lost! This is so scary. Boo! Send this to15 people in 143 mins. Super exact for no apparent reason... when you are done press F6 and you crushes name will appear* Like hell it will! This is a ploy to make you send it on! Ridiculous!


Well there you have it. These were the 4 ridonculous chain emails I got this week. I hate them with a passion. DON'T SEND ME CHAIN LETTERS DAMMIT!

Chain Emails (Part 1)

I received several chain emails this week. I decided to read them and have a good chuckle. I decided to commentate all of them and this is what I came up with...
(My commentary is in bold and the actual email is not.)

Chain email # 1
Not so secret Secrets about boys
When a boy is quiet ... millions of things are running in his mind.
So I always ask, “What are you thinking?” Usually, it isn't anything really important.
When a boy is not arguing ... he is thinking deeply.
About what, I can’t imagine…
When a boy looks at u with eyes full of questions ... he is wondering how long you will be around.
And wondering if you’ll still love him when he’s gone.
When a boy answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds .... he is not at all fine.
Just like girls. Also just like girls, he wont tell you what is actually bothering him unless he truly cares about you. Or maybe that's just gay men...
When a boy stares at you ... he is wondering why you are lying.
Trust me, he can't tell the difference between your truth and lies. When he stares at you he probably doesn't realize he's doing it.
When a boy lets you lay on his chest ... he is wishing for you to be his forever.
It means he likes the comfort you feel in his arms and he wants to protect you forever. That or you were the one who forced him to let you lay there and all he can think is "Get this crazy bitch off of me!!!"
When a boy wants to see you everyday... he wants to be yours 4eva.
You have all the lab notes.
When a boy says ' I love you ' ... he means it.
I mean come on, would he say it if he didn’t mean it? Wait a minute...YES HE WOULD. He would say it because he knows you want to hear it.
When a boy says ' I miss you ' ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.
Nobody at all. Unless it’s you missing him…
Life only comes around once make sure you spend it with the right person...
Here is how you are to find the right one…
Find a Guy…
Who calls you beautiful instead of hot…
If he calls you hot he only wants your body. Beautiful means he truly cares.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him…
And doesn’t do it just to bitch at you for hanging up either. He wants to find out what he did wrong and apologize.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep...
Not creepily like Edward Cullen or anything, just because he thinks you look adorable all curled up and innocent.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead...
Or your eyelids. Or cheek. Or hand. Don’t trust the ones who kiss you sexually.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats…
Even though you obviously don’t want to go out in public in your freaking sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends...
Because if he seriously thinks his friends would find that weird, he isn’t worth it.
Who is constantly reminding you o f how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you...
Because he is more lucky than anything to have a gem like you.
Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '
And not in the rude way as if he had just been talking about your huge ass. Nope. He wants to point out the beautiful lady that makes him so special. But let's face it, the only guys that are actually like this are your BFF's/BGF's anyway.

Chain email # 2
Congratulations!!! You have been chosen to participate in the LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the Internet! Woohoo. I have been subjected to the MOST UNREALISTIC and STUPID chain letter on the frikkin Internet.
If THIS CHAIN LETTER IS CONTINUED UNTIL THE YEAR2009, IT WILL BE PLACED IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS! Because I totally want to be known for sending an email! All my dreams have come true!
The Kiss
1. Kiss on the hand = I adore you = I am trying to be debonair
2. Kiss on the cheek = I just want to be friends = You accidentally move your head when I go in for it and SCORE
3. Kiss on the neck = I want you = I am a VAMPIRE!
4. Kiss on the lips = I love you = I like you at the moment
5. Kiss on the ears = I am just playing = I have a strange fetish
6. Kiss anywhere else = let's not get carried away = Wait, you don't want to get carried away with the answer or is that seriously what you think it means? You have left no place that would not insinuate dirty behavior if kissed! This is certainly carried away.
Also Haha! You thought I was done!
1. Look in your eyes = kiss me = I must remember the colour just in case she asks me later
2. Playing with your hair = I can't live without you = What shampoo do you use? It's so soft and glossy!
3. Hand on your waist = I love you to much to let you go = I can really look at you from this angle
The Three Steps to ruin your relationship
1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him. Really make sure it hurts. It's most effective when he bleeds.
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good. You probably didn't do anything to deserve it in the first place and you'll know if you did.
3. Guys & Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare. Then you can imagine you're snogging someone else. It makes the entire experience much more enjoyable for everyone involved.
The Commandments that the skanks do bringeth from thine mountain of stupidity. This is why there are 3 instead of 10
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard. This makes the ketchup bottle get stuck in a squished position and is very difficult to get any more of the condiment out.
2.. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one. For stealing is fun!
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity. For a greater chance to share diseases. Remember, sharing is caring and on the plus side, mono is in this year.
Here are a few reasons why guys like girls: Other than basic biology
1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo This is a lie. Females can smell just as horrendous as any sweaty man.
2.. The way they call you after you just had a big fight. Also wrong. Girls hold the grudge and she wont forgive until you call first.
3. The way she says 'let's not fight anymore' even though you know that an hour later....Okay that one's true. At this point, break up with the bitch.
4. The way they kiss you when you do something nice for them This does mean you have to do something nice for them first...
5. The way they kiss you when you say 'I love you' Even if they don't realize you're lying!
6. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...Shallow ass!
7. The way they fall into your arms when they cry You really find this attractive? Weirdo.
8. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly "I'm sorry, I should be more concerned with my scuffed shoe than that pregnancy scare. I really shouldn't have cried over it at all!"
9. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt Oh please, if we wanted it to hurt it would.
10. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt.(Even though we don't admit it)! We don't mean it!
11. The way they say 'I miss you' which is usually followed by "What did you get me?"
12. The way you miss them And totally forgot to get them a gift.
13. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore..... Yet no matter what you do, something will piss her off and drive her to tears. Sometimes she will cry over nothing at all.
This chain started in 1997. LOSERS. It is a love chain letter. Really? I had NO IDEA. In an hour you are supposed to send it to 10 people. Yeah that ain't gonna happen. (It is easy, just look into chat rooms and find them.) Because that is totally safe and pedophile free. Anyway, send it to 10 people in 1 hour. Is it just me or does it sound like this is arguing with me? Now here comes the fun part. Whoopdi frikkin doo. You then say the name of the person you like or love and then the person will say 'I love you,' or 'Will you go outwith me?' The magic is in the Internet! NO JOKE!!!!! Uh huh...sure... NOW THE CONSEQUENCES If you break the chain letter, Aw snap! you will have bad luck in future relationships. Come on, that's a given with 97% of the world anyway. If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy camper!!! AKA Lonely person sitting at home alone reading chain mail all damn day. Once you read this letter you must IMMEDIATELY(meaning within the hour) be sent to 25 people. HEY! You said 10 earlier! After you send it, make a wish Unicorn and it will come TRUE LIES YOU MAY NOT WAIT FOR A CERTAIN TIME TO SEND IT How many ways can you define immediately?........REMEMBER, IT MUST BE SENT TO 10 PEOPLE Gah! Pick a number dammit! WITHIN 1 HOUR, IMMEDIATELY OR YOUR WISH WILL NOT COME TRUE! DAMN PLEASE CONTINUE IT NOW!!!
*WARNING* Looks super official with astrix around it. IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON, SOMETHING BAD Gasp! OR WORSE Worse than bad? Like, super bad? WILL HAPPEN TO YOU This is not even a possibility. It WILL HAPPEN.
*NOTE* THE MORE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO THE MORE LUCK YOU WILL HAVE IN YOUR LOVE LIFE. It will end up being the number of dating sites you are on. IF YOU BREAK THE CHAIN LETTER Scandel! (IT HAS BEEN GOING SINCE 1997) Wow you have no life. YOU WILL HAVE BAD LUCK WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE FOR SEVEN YEARS. And one and a half days. THIS IS NO JOKE. Yes it is.
*BUT* Copy and Paste this email, do not forward It makes the luck go bye-bye! GOOD LUCK!!! FU!!! C'mon Send it on!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! You can't make me!!!!!!!!!!

My [Recently Discovered] Daddy Issues

As a child I gre up with a father that was constantly leaving. He's a pilot and it's always been the same. He'll leave for days and when he comes home, I might not even see him.

When I was a baby, I would scream when he held me. I didn't want to be near him. The only way to shut me up was to give me back to my mom or dip my pacifier in coffee. He would tuck me in when he was home and give me a kiss before he left, even if I was sleeping. If he was gone for more than three days (which he was alot when I was little because he would fly to England and Germany) I would have silent temper tantrums. I would cry and hit things and cry some more. When he went off to training for six weeks I stole one of his shirts. I wore it to bed every night and wouldn't let my mom wash it. I thought I was going to die. I could only talk to him for a few minutes every other night. He went to the hospital and I didn't want to visit him. I hated seeing him in the hospital, he seemed so weak. I wouldn't hug him while he had the infection pump on his side. He smelled like death.

Ever since I was small I have attatched myself to a guy. My sister was even always better friends with guys than girls. There was Seanie before I started school, Carson in kindergarten, first grade was Matthew and after I moved it was Andrew. It was Andrew until third grade when it became Jeff. In fifth grade it was Matt, Jeff, and Nick. Middle school was Matt, Jeff, and Owen. Then it was Cameron. I have now attatched myself to Sam and Mike. I need a male figure to protect me and always be there, something I missed growing up. I only ever wanted someone to hold me tight and never let go. Someone who would never let anything bad happen to me. I was always looking for a boyfriend or something more than a casual friendship. I wanted to open up to them. I'm more prone to trust men with my thoughts and secrets. I don't know why I've never known. There could potentialy be alot I don't know about myself. I just hope I can figure it all out before it's too late.

Confidence!

Confidence. Do you lack it? Does it spill from your every pore? Well I shall teach confidence RIGHT NOW!

Step 1: First, you must stand up straight. Others are intimidated by good posture. It shows that you have no doubts in yourself. Hunched shoulders or slouching makes it look like your hiding in yourself. If you can't seem to stand straight, you really aren't confident.

Step 2: Clear yourself of doubts. Name you're fears and all you think is wrong with you. Draw an invisible line or circle or favourite shape or whatever. Put your fears, etc. in the shape or on one side of the line. Now name all you love about yourself. Think of everything your friends love (granted you have friends because there in lies a deeper problem) and everything your family loves. Take these idea with you and walk away from your shape/line. Tell the fears and such, "Sorry, but I am leaving you behind. Suck it!" Now, I'm not saying they are gonna disappear, oh hell no! They will still be there when you get home and away from people.

Step 3: Look in a mirror and say, "I look hot". It may not sound like much, but it does wonders! But you can't just say it to say it! You have to mean it. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if you want to feel hot, well damn! BE HOT!

Step 4: Find a song that makes you want to jump up and dance. Listen to it daily. Please, dance! Sing along at the top of your lungs and don't stop unless the landlord threatens to evict you.

Step 5: Don't be afraid of doing something crazy or risky. Dance in the middle of the sidewalk. Tell him/her (whichever, I don't judge!) how you really feel. Maybe it's love, maybe it's hate, who cares? Quit your job! Buy a parrot! Just go up and kiss him/her already, just to know what it's like. (think through that one carefully though, especially if it's your first kiss...)

Step 6: Walk proudly down the street and watch heads turn. Strut dammit!Everyone will wonder who it is and guess what? It's you! Beautiful, confident you. Enjoy it, bask in your glow, and smile.

Believe in yourself and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! No matter what, you are always somebody. <3