STR8 Against H8

Today, looking through my subscriber videos on youtube, I had a new Kelley video from liamkylesullivan. There hasn't been a new one of those in a while, so I got very excited and watched it right away. It was a campaign preventing homosexual hate. The campaign is called FCKH8. People can buy t-shirts, hoodies, tank tops, and other paraphernalia with various phrases against hate/violence and the profits go to foundations like the Trevor Project. I'll most deffinatly be buying a STR8 AGAINST H8 t-shirt.

This is a huge problem. 10% of the world's population is gay. My best friends are gay. If anyone hurts them, I'll hurt the haters. My challenge to you is to help stop it. The offensive slang terms are worse than swears in my opinion. Next time you hear someone say just how gay that is or how much of a faggot someone else is, tell them how uncool it is to turn someone's sexual orientation into a vulgarity. Remind them that the true meaning of the word gay is happy. It's about damn time that the world knows that this isn't okay.

The Holiday Grouchies

I remembered today why I hate holidays. Not only are parents not home, but my sister flew off with her boyfriend. Also, every other human being that you know is busy with their own family. Today is that stupid holiday that everyone loves, Christmas. Not only am I compleatly alone, I'm Jewish. This holiday holds no real amusmant for me. Today, I have watched 3 movies, drawn in my 642 Things to Draw book, used oil and chalk pastels, listened to a ton of music, watched several television shows, and talked briefly with my best friends. I am bored and lonely. Thus, holidays = SUCK. Oh yeah, and as soon as we thought that was it, nope. Add a day full of menstral cramps and sucky hormones. Now every emotion I feel is increased by about 2,100. Thanks uterus. So much. So I hope you all had a merry fracking Christmas!

Something Happened...

Something happened this weekend. Let's start by saying I was at a two-day theater festival hosted by my school, where over 300 other drama kids partied with us. The first day I spent entirely with the same group of people working on a showcase preformance. While offstage, I got to talking with one boy. We talked about alot of things; our families, religion, acting, ect. Well, there was a dance that night and he had asked if I would dance with him. I told him I would and he kissed the back of my hand. It was sweet. He kept telling me how special I was, how pretty I was, how good my song was. He made me smile. I ate dinner with him too. But durring the showcase preformance, as we danced, his hand kind of found it's way to my ass. I then took some time away from him, had time to think, and remembered that he lives over an hour away. I did ask a friend to give him my number though, and I'm now waiting anxiously for him to call or text. Anything.

The Movies That Just Make You Wonder

Today, I stayed home sick. By about 1 o'clock, I was totally done with it. I was bored and I really wanted to get out. So I went onto Fancast to look at the free movies. These are the movies that made me wonder things like who would come up with this idea? Who would want to watch it? Who would be willing to act in this? Why am I not watching this RIGHT NOW? Here is a list of ony some of the titles that made me giggle.

• Cheerleader Ninjas
• Killer Condom
• Bad Girls from Mars
• Too White for Me
• Good Dick
• Where in the World is Osama bin Laden?
• Totally Baked: a Pot-u-mentary
• 24 Hours on Craigslist
• The French Guy
• Hittin' It!
• Michael Moore Hates America
• Men with Brooms
• Fast Sofa

One question. Why?

Smitten as a Schoolgirl

Yes world, that is correct. I, Carolyn Nicole, have fallen head over heels into silly teenage romance. He is a year younger than I, but he is quite handsome! He has thick blonde hair that I want nothing more than to run my finger through, gorgeous blue eyes with a sweet sort of twinkle in them, and a manly phisique. He sits in front of me and to the right in my first block Geometry class and he is in all of my after school drama programs. I know that I will be getting to know him a lot better very soon. You see, it is very rare to find a good straight guy who is into drama. And what else is so special about him? I actually want to tell my mother about him. This is a big deal for me, since I don't really tell my mom about my life.

I was only mildly interested, until this afternoon. When I talked to him. Because I really like him. Alot.

It was as we were leaving the ITS meeting, and I said, "Hey, you're in my Geometry class." And he said, "Yeah, I am." And the conversation did not end there! We kept talking! And then as I was walking away with some friends and my ride, acting like a giddy fool, he called my name. True, it was only to tell me that Janna was looking for me, but nevertheless, he called my name!

Tomorrow, I think I'll wave to him!

Dear Cosmo Girl, You Make Me Giggle

I just realized, I haven't blogged in FOREVER!!!! Okay, not forever, just a week. But in the world of blogs and crazy random happenstances, it really does seem like forever. Hmm...What can we discuss?

Oh! I know! How about the crazy Cosmo Girl I read with one of my BFF's?!

Cosmo Girl fascinates me. This magazine is marketed toward teenage girls, and is packed full of sex, men's thoughts, men's thoughts on sex, weird fads, hot celebrities, and in this specific issue, WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR VAGINA?

Yes, this magazine is stupid, unbelievable, and of course, like everything else absurd, I LOVE IT. The men were smokin' hot, there was a saucy romance novel exert, bizzare quizzes, and let's just say I would NOT do any of that to my va-jay-jay. (Things included dying it different colors, and bedazzling it. No thank you.) Some of the things listed that men find hot were just hillarious. One man was quoted that he liked it when he girlfriend rips off his pants in public places. WHY WOULD YOU EVER ENJOY THIS? You do this in public places? What is wrong with you? But it's okay, because you make me giggle. I also found the bitch or not to bitch section quite usefull because that is useful information right there.

Please, buy Cosmo and have a nice afternoon giggling with your friends.

Letting Go

This morning my sister left for her first year of college. She woke me up at 5:20 by banging on my bedroom door. I saw her for about ten minutes. I was crying before she left and as soon as she was gone I started bawling very loudly.

She has been annoying, obnoxious, mean, protecting, funny, joyful, crazy, and above everything else, she has always been here. I will have to adjust to being alone in my house, to not waiting up for her. I didn't think I would miss her. I was very wrong.

Even though I miss her, I think I am ready. She isn't gone forever. I'm gonna see her again. I'll talk to her soon. I think I'll survive without her here. I hope I will...

ABC (So Totaly Not) Family

Tonight I took two hours out of my life to catch up on my television crack, Secret Life of the American Teenager. We have changed the name to the more appropriate, Not So Secret Life of the American Slut. If you don't know what this show is about, it's pretty much a bunch of teenagers all having sex. The preggo count at the moment is 3, (15 year old mom, mother of teen mom, skanky 17 year old mom) Really, it's a wonder skanky mom didn't get preggo first. There are bets down on who will be next and how many more seasons ABC can squeeze out of this pathetic excuse of a show. Not only is the plot the most horrifying thing ever, I believe they made a point of finding the worst actors in existence. If any emotion is shown on that show, it's a special night. I watch this with my mother, and together we have made the most amazing drinking game the world has ever known! The drinking word changes sometimes, but it's always something along the lines of slut, sex, baby, or marriage. The first time we played, the word was slut and mother made it through 2 whole glasses of iced tea. Comment if you decide to take part in my merriment of the most horrible show that ever was partialy alive. How many glasses will you get through?

Chain Email - AGAIN!

So I only get these stupid chain emails from ONE PERSON now (You know who you are). But today as I checked my email, there it was. Yet another chain email. I took one look at the screen and all I could think was, it is indeed time to blog.

If you remember from last time, the original email is in regular print and my answers are in bold.

USING ONLY ONE WORD Fine.
Not as easy as you might think! Sure. Now forward, NO! change the answers to suit you Eh... and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers. Pishaw! Be sure to send back to the person you received it from! Hahaha!

Where is your cell phone? Damn! Lost it again!
Pocket
Significant other? Yeah right. Do the gays count?
Laughter
Your hair? New yummy blonde highlights
Sexy
Your mother? Miss Sophie May? Oh dear lord!
Different
Your father? Trekki....
Daddy!
Your favorite thing? COFFEE!!!!! And the menfolk of course ;]
Art
Your dream last night? That is my head thank you very much!
Home
Your favorite drink? Like this is even a question!
Coffee
What room are you in? Technically basement, but...
Michigan
Your hobby? What don't I do for fun?
Living
Your fear? Scariest thing ever...
Alone
Where do you want to be in 6 years Pretty much not lonely
Found
Where were you last night? Oh wouldn't you like to know! My night life is none of your concern...
Mitten
Something that you aren't? Virtuous...
Boring
Muffins? Bagel cart?
Yum
Wish list item? Microphone, the ability to use FL Studio 9...
Piano :/
Last thing you did? I was gonna say baby, but that sounds wrong...I was with my niece and we...
Cuddled
What are you wearing? Absolutely nothing. :p
PJ's
T V ? Monday nights on ABC (so totally not) Family
Bravo
Your pets? Soon to be none it seems like... :'[
Star
Friends? Only the bees-knees fo' sho'!
Best
Your life? Only one word can describe it...
Snazzletastic
Your mood? SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS
Up
Missing someone? More specifically, MY men. But yeah, men in general works too.
Men
Drinking All the time. Never stop.
Milk
Your car? Red cobalt bitches!
Roxie
Something you're not wearing? Clothes.
Shoes
Your favorite store? Spencer's :p
Maurice's
Your favorite color That means green to all those non frenchy people (i.e. my best friends...)
Vert
When is the last time you cried So not a funny question
Tonight...
Who will resend this? Do toucans speak fluent Mandarin Chinese?
No?
Where do you go to over and over? You mean where do I practically live seeing as I spend more time there than at my actual home?
Auditorium
Five people who email me regularly? Did you forget your one rule?
One word bucko
My favorite place to eat? Only when I'm cooking and friends come over.
Home
Favorite place I'd like to be at right now? I just want to go home at this point
NH
Four people I think will respond Um, that rule of yours?
One word? Maybe?

Here's what you are supposed to do...Oh boy. and please don't spoil the fun... too late! Hit 'forward,' I politly decline delete my answers, type in your answers and send it to a bunch of people, including me. I'm gonna go with no...

Sucker for a Rock Opera

I love musical theater. Just throwing that out there. Yes, the classics are good. However, they are old news to me. I am a sucker for a rock musical. I would see any rock opera. Forget about Rogers & Hammerstein! Bring me Sondheim! Give me Yorkey! I demand Jonathan Larson (rest in peace)! Rock musicals, bringing something new and exciting to Broadway every day. And after all, isn't that what NYC is all about?

FYI - Totally not bashing the classics. I am expressing my love of the newer shows. Thank you and goodnight.

My Childhood Sweetheart and Other Thoughts...

When I was small, my best buddy was my neighbor Shawny. He taught me how to swing and to be honest, I loved him. He moved before me, and I remember at his going away party there were Sesame Street cookies. I don't know his full name. I don't know where he went. I have to admit, I think about him all the time. I wonder what he's like now, if he's doing well, if he remembers me. I want more than anything to find him again.

I've thought of him more recently because I found old pictures. None of the two of us, I don't know if those exist. When you're having fun, you don't care about the pictures. There are photos of me in kindergarten and first grade. Some of me and my BFF Hanna. Some of me and my family. There's even one of our dog as a puppy.

Seeing these pictures made me start to cry. I didn't want to grow up, it's hard and it means so much and it scares me. People leave and you have to take care of yourself. You can't fall back on mom and dad for everything. Looking at these photos I realized I already grew up a long time ago. I know what I want to do, what college I want to go to, where I want to live, almost everything. I miss being blissfully ignorant. I miss relying on my parents for everything I need. I would give almost anything to be a kid again.

Acting Like You're 12 Gets You Through the Night

So this week I went camping. The first night there was a thunder storm. We hid in the camper and played scatagories, and when the mothers let us go back to our tents we played a scandelous game of truth or dare. To sum it up, half of us were naked while the other half had underwear on the outside of their clothes. Yup. That happens.
The next night it was dry enough for marshmallows, so we played MASH. I am proud to say I was married to Tyra Banks. On the way back from the bathroom (at midnight mind you) we spotted a skunk. Now I am not an IDIOT so I said to stay still and don't talk. Everyone else began to scream and ran. Awesome. One of the moms heard us and found us in the bathroom. Apparently skunky had been around our campsite already, but luckily didn't spray anything.
I went home the third day, but before I left we all sat around the campfire and made friendship bracelets. This is how to survive the wilderness.

I am Extreamly Tired

I get very loopy when exhausted. My friend Jo just posted a fun looking facebook status. It was a fill in the blanks. The bold is what I filled in. This is the way my mind works at 12:30 in the morning...

Dear Jo,
You have a cute triangles living in your basement. You make me want to dance with heyenas. You should be commited to a mental hospital. You and I should share a room there. I'd get your name tatooed on my best friend's cat. You are so much like a barbie doll I want to keep you in a box and sell you on ebay, & I love the way your breath smells after eating anything with garlic.
♥ Carolyn

This is my life, these are my choices. I really need to go to bed. RIGHT NOW. GAH.

Yes, That Was Indeed a Cup of Coffee 2 Seconds Ago

I have an addiction. I understand this. I am not ashamed. I do not seek help nor do I wish for help. I, Carolyn Nicole, am addicted to COFFEE!

This addiction is in fact one that I can blame fully on my mother. From the time I was a mere fetus in the womb, I have been ingesting the delectable form of caffeine. As a baby, daddy dipped my pacafire in coffee to get me to shut up (for as you know if you have actually been reading this entire blog, I hated my father as an infant) At the age of 2 I drank my mother's extra-large iced coffee in full when she wasn't watching. At 3 I woke my father up at 6 o'clock in the morning demanding to go to Dunkin Donuts. With this kind of history, I can not be helped.

Thank you and good day

This is an Airplane, Welcome to my Life

Once again I find myself sitting in an airport waiting for a cup of coffee and a seat on the plane. Yes, that is right. I am sitting in the airport and still I have no actual seat. Crazy? Perhaps, but that is who I am after all. You see, daddy flies the hunk of metal and I fly standby.

The Perks of being a standby:
All the flight attendants treat you like royalty
If you plan it right, you can usually get a row to yourself
You can board the plane early
You skip long unnecessary lines such as security
Flight attendants usually offer to comp things such as movies and energy drinks

The It's Really Nothing Special's of being a standby:
You have to look presentable [this means no sweats or jeans]
If you didn't plan it right, you could not get a seat on the flight
When the gate agent is mean, they stick you in a row with an infant totally on purpose

I love flying standby. On this last trip I went on to San Diego, I flight attendant comped my movies and sat and talked with me about silly bandz halfway through the flight. She kept calling me the first daughter. It's things like this that make my life awesome.

Liana

I keep having this dream where I see a little girl with long dark curly hair and bright blue eyes. Every time she comes to me she had a ribbon in her hair somehow. She can't be older than 3 or 4 yet she seems to know so much. She has a heart shaped face and perfect little lips. She's got a button nose and flushed cheeks. Every time I see her she reaches out to me and smiles. She's the most adorable thing ever and for some reason I want to call her Liana. I don't know what it means, but she seems so real, as if I could reach back and take her hand. I desperatly want to protect her and care for her. Liana has been coming to me for a week now, and I don't want her to go away. She's too real to leave.

Making Me Special!

I discovered about 2 seconds ago that my bandcamp is the 4th link to come up when you google my name. I think this deserves a blog!

I got a comment on one of my chain mail posts from someone who is not actually a close friend. Or a friend at all really. This made me feel incredibly special! Someone read my blog and I didn't have to send them the link and tell them to do it!

Then I checked my youtube where I posted a vlog today. It had a comment after 3 hours of being online.

Then I googled myself and there it was, my bandcamp link!

People are listening to me, even if it isn't anything really big (yet) they are listening and that makes me feel like I can actually make a difference about something. Thank you all for making me feel special! I love you all!

Chain Emails (Part 2)

Chain email # 3

WARNING : THIS IS ONLY FOR Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because boys are an alien race who want to destroy the women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you know kissing is healthy and not kissing is a SIN
Bananas are good for cramps but wont work in 5 seconds so why even bother?
Its good to cry unless it's stupid stuff you're crying over
Chicken soup actually makes you feel better unless you're a vegetarian/vegan or are allergic to any ingreediants or just don't like soup. Then it kinda sucks.
94% of boys would love it if you sent them flowers even if they would kill them before the day is out...
Lying is actually unhealthy however they do make life more interesting!
Only apply mascara to your top lashes PLEASE! The bottom just looks weird.
Its actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you! They also chase you around the playground and try to avoid you cooties :)
Its impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed Go ahead and try it. Come on, you know you want to!
(If you are not thinking about it) You tried it didn't you?
89% of guys want YOU to make the 1st move because they are COWARDS!
Chocolate will make you feel better! Chocolate makes everything better!
Most boys think its cute when you say the wrong thing Unless it's their name you mess up...
A GOOD FRIEND NEVER JUDGES A GREAT FRIEND JUDGES AND TELLS YOU THEIR HONEST OPINION!
A good foundation will hide hickeys! Hide hickeys? Display them proudly!!!
Boys arent worth your tears This is very true.
We ALL love surprises!! Bullshit. I HATE surprises! I need to know what is going on all the time unless I am the one being spontanious. Surprises suck.
Now.... make a wish 11:11?
Wish REALLLLLLY hard!!! EEERRRR!!!!!
WISH WISH WISH WISH I AM DAMMIT!
Your wish has just been received WOAH
Send this on to ALL your girlfriends in the next 15 minutes and... and? And what?
Your wish WILL BE GRANTED WTF?
Thats a promise!! LIARS!!!!!!

Chain email # 4
12 signs that ur in love and mentally ill
TWELVE : You walk really slow when you're with them. They need to speed up
ELEVEN: > > You feel shy whenever they're around. Like you have to hide yourself to be loved. That is truely self esteem shining through!
TEN: > > You smile when you hear their voice. Especially when they say "HI". Actually, that's all they ever say to you...
NINE: > When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her. This could also be temporary blindness, illusions, or halucinations.
SEVEN: > > They're all you think about. Sometimes you forget to breath and eat.
Where the hell is 8?
SIX: > > > You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them. The drooling is mearly a side effect.
FIVE: > > You would do anything just to see them. Like go motercycling or jump off cliffs...just saying...
FOUR: > > While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time. Dumbledore.
THREE: > > You just smiled because it's true. Crazy old gay wizard!
TWO: > > You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number eight was missing. Are you questioning my love for Dumbledore?
ONE: > > You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself. Glad to know you have to check if you know your numbers or not!
NOW MAKE A WISH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO...... Well only if all the cool kids are doing it!


ALMOST THERE Really? I don't believe you.


* send this to at lest 5 people in the next 10 min. And I say no...? And something good will happen Good meaning...? Because you read this, you will get kissed on Friday. That is far from specific. This Friday? Next Friday? Any Friday? BREAK IT and your crush will ask someone else out. But you never really had a chance with him anyway so what's the big hullabaloo about? Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Sweet! However, Damn! Exceptions! if you don't send this to at least 10 people, by at least 1am, It's 1:12 now...Oops...Can't send it even if I wanted to suckers! you will have bad luck for the rest of your sorry pathetic excuse of a life. Just copy, paste and you will get kissed snogged, pecked, smooched if you will on some unknown Friday. DON'T send it back to the person who sent it to you. That is annoying as hell. TAG UR IT!! What is this? Since when is this a game? Curses I lost! This is so scary. Boo! Send this to15 people in 143 mins. Super exact for no apparent reason... when you are done press F6 and you crushes name will appear* Like hell it will! This is a ploy to make you send it on! Ridiculous!


Well there you have it. These were the 4 ridonculous chain emails I got this week. I hate them with a passion. DON'T SEND ME CHAIN LETTERS DAMMIT!

Chain Emails (Part 1)

I received several chain emails this week. I decided to read them and have a good chuckle. I decided to commentate all of them and this is what I came up with...
(My commentary is in bold and the actual email is not.)

Chain email # 1
Not so secret Secrets about boys
When a boy is quiet ... millions of things are running in his mind.
So I always ask, “What are you thinking?” Usually, it isn't anything really important.
When a boy is not arguing ... he is thinking deeply.
About what, I can’t imagine…
When a boy looks at u with eyes full of questions ... he is wondering how long you will be around.
And wondering if you’ll still love him when he’s gone.
When a boy answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds .... he is not at all fine.
Just like girls. Also just like girls, he wont tell you what is actually bothering him unless he truly cares about you. Or maybe that's just gay men...
When a boy stares at you ... he is wondering why you are lying.
Trust me, he can't tell the difference between your truth and lies. When he stares at you he probably doesn't realize he's doing it.
When a boy lets you lay on his chest ... he is wishing for you to be his forever.
It means he likes the comfort you feel in his arms and he wants to protect you forever. That or you were the one who forced him to let you lay there and all he can think is "Get this crazy bitch off of me!!!"
When a boy wants to see you everyday... he wants to be yours 4eva.
You have all the lab notes.
When a boy says ' I love you ' ... he means it.
I mean come on, would he say it if he didn’t mean it? Wait a minute...YES HE WOULD. He would say it because he knows you want to hear it.
When a boy says ' I miss you ' ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.
Nobody at all. Unless it’s you missing him…
Life only comes around once make sure you spend it with the right person...
Here is how you are to find the right one…
Find a Guy…
Who calls you beautiful instead of hot…
If he calls you hot he only wants your body. Beautiful means he truly cares.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him…
And doesn’t do it just to bitch at you for hanging up either. He wants to find out what he did wrong and apologize.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep...
Not creepily like Edward Cullen or anything, just because he thinks you look adorable all curled up and innocent.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead...
Or your eyelids. Or cheek. Or hand. Don’t trust the ones who kiss you sexually.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats…
Even though you obviously don’t want to go out in public in your freaking sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends...
Because if he seriously thinks his friends would find that weird, he isn’t worth it.
Who is constantly reminding you o f how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you...
Because he is more lucky than anything to have a gem like you.
Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '
And not in the rude way as if he had just been talking about your huge ass. Nope. He wants to point out the beautiful lady that makes him so special. But let's face it, the only guys that are actually like this are your BFF's/BGF's anyway.

Chain email # 2
Congratulations!!! You have been chosen to participate in the LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the Internet! Woohoo. I have been subjected to the MOST UNREALISTIC and STUPID chain letter on the frikkin Internet.
If THIS CHAIN LETTER IS CONTINUED UNTIL THE YEAR2009, IT WILL BE PLACED IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS! Because I totally want to be known for sending an email! All my dreams have come true!
The Kiss
1. Kiss on the hand = I adore you = I am trying to be debonair
2. Kiss on the cheek = I just want to be friends = You accidentally move your head when I go in for it and SCORE
3. Kiss on the neck = I want you = I am a VAMPIRE!
4. Kiss on the lips = I love you = I like you at the moment
5. Kiss on the ears = I am just playing = I have a strange fetish
6. Kiss anywhere else = let's not get carried away = Wait, you don't want to get carried away with the answer or is that seriously what you think it means? You have left no place that would not insinuate dirty behavior if kissed! This is certainly carried away.
Also Haha! You thought I was done!
1. Look in your eyes = kiss me = I must remember the colour just in case she asks me later
2. Playing with your hair = I can't live without you = What shampoo do you use? It's so soft and glossy!
3. Hand on your waist = I love you to much to let you go = I can really look at you from this angle
The Three Steps to ruin your relationship
1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him. Really make sure it hurts. It's most effective when he bleeds.
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good. You probably didn't do anything to deserve it in the first place and you'll know if you did.
3. Guys & Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare. Then you can imagine you're snogging someone else. It makes the entire experience much more enjoyable for everyone involved.
The Commandments that the skanks do bringeth from thine mountain of stupidity. This is why there are 3 instead of 10
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard. This makes the ketchup bottle get stuck in a squished position and is very difficult to get any more of the condiment out.
2.. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one. For stealing is fun!
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity. For a greater chance to share diseases. Remember, sharing is caring and on the plus side, mono is in this year.
Here are a few reasons why guys like girls: Other than basic biology
1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo This is a lie. Females can smell just as horrendous as any sweaty man.
2.. The way they call you after you just had a big fight. Also wrong. Girls hold the grudge and she wont forgive until you call first.
3. The way she says 'let's not fight anymore' even though you know that an hour later....Okay that one's true. At this point, break up with the bitch.
4. The way they kiss you when you do something nice for them This does mean you have to do something nice for them first...
5. The way they kiss you when you say 'I love you' Even if they don't realize you're lying!
6. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...Shallow ass!
7. The way they fall into your arms when they cry You really find this attractive? Weirdo.
8. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly "I'm sorry, I should be more concerned with my scuffed shoe than that pregnancy scare. I really shouldn't have cried over it at all!"
9. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt Oh please, if we wanted it to hurt it would.
10. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt.(Even though we don't admit it)! We don't mean it!
11. The way they say 'I miss you' which is usually followed by "What did you get me?"
12. The way you miss them And totally forgot to get them a gift.
13. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore..... Yet no matter what you do, something will piss her off and drive her to tears. Sometimes she will cry over nothing at all.
This chain started in 1997. LOSERS. It is a love chain letter. Really? I had NO IDEA. In an hour you are supposed to send it to 10 people. Yeah that ain't gonna happen. (It is easy, just look into chat rooms and find them.) Because that is totally safe and pedophile free. Anyway, send it to 10 people in 1 hour. Is it just me or does it sound like this is arguing with me? Now here comes the fun part. Whoopdi frikkin doo. You then say the name of the person you like or love and then the person will say 'I love you,' or 'Will you go outwith me?' The magic is in the Internet! NO JOKE!!!!! Uh huh...sure... NOW THE CONSEQUENCES If you break the chain letter, Aw snap! you will have bad luck in future relationships. Come on, that's a given with 97% of the world anyway. If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy camper!!! AKA Lonely person sitting at home alone reading chain mail all damn day. Once you read this letter you must IMMEDIATELY(meaning within the hour) be sent to 25 people. HEY! You said 10 earlier! After you send it, make a wish Unicorn and it will come TRUE LIES YOU MAY NOT WAIT FOR A CERTAIN TIME TO SEND IT How many ways can you define immediately?........REMEMBER, IT MUST BE SENT TO 10 PEOPLE Gah! Pick a number dammit! WITHIN 1 HOUR, IMMEDIATELY OR YOUR WISH WILL NOT COME TRUE! DAMN PLEASE CONTINUE IT NOW!!!
*WARNING* Looks super official with astrix around it. IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON, SOMETHING BAD Gasp! OR WORSE Worse than bad? Like, super bad? WILL HAPPEN TO YOU This is not even a possibility. It WILL HAPPEN.
*NOTE* THE MORE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO THE MORE LUCK YOU WILL HAVE IN YOUR LOVE LIFE. It will end up being the number of dating sites you are on. IF YOU BREAK THE CHAIN LETTER Scandel! (IT HAS BEEN GOING SINCE 1997) Wow you have no life. YOU WILL HAVE BAD LUCK WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE FOR SEVEN YEARS. And one and a half days. THIS IS NO JOKE. Yes it is.
*BUT* Copy and Paste this email, do not forward It makes the luck go bye-bye! GOOD LUCK!!! FU!!! C'mon Send it on!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! You can't make me!!!!!!!!!!

My [Recently Discovered] Daddy Issues

As a child I gre up with a father that was constantly leaving. He's a pilot and it's always been the same. He'll leave for days and when he comes home, I might not even see him.

When I was a baby, I would scream when he held me. I didn't want to be near him. The only way to shut me up was to give me back to my mom or dip my pacifier in coffee. He would tuck me in when he was home and give me a kiss before he left, even if I was sleeping. If he was gone for more than three days (which he was alot when I was little because he would fly to England and Germany) I would have silent temper tantrums. I would cry and hit things and cry some more. When he went off to training for six weeks I stole one of his shirts. I wore it to bed every night and wouldn't let my mom wash it. I thought I was going to die. I could only talk to him for a few minutes every other night. He went to the hospital and I didn't want to visit him. I hated seeing him in the hospital, he seemed so weak. I wouldn't hug him while he had the infection pump on his side. He smelled like death.

Ever since I was small I have attatched myself to a guy. My sister was even always better friends with guys than girls. There was Seanie before I started school, Carson in kindergarten, first grade was Matthew and after I moved it was Andrew. It was Andrew until third grade when it became Jeff. In fifth grade it was Matt, Jeff, and Nick. Middle school was Matt, Jeff, and Owen. Then it was Cameron. I have now attatched myself to Sam and Mike. I need a male figure to protect me and always be there, something I missed growing up. I only ever wanted someone to hold me tight and never let go. Someone who would never let anything bad happen to me. I was always looking for a boyfriend or something more than a casual friendship. I wanted to open up to them. I'm more prone to trust men with my thoughts and secrets. I don't know why I've never known. There could potentialy be alot I don't know about myself. I just hope I can figure it all out before it's too late.

Confidence!

Confidence. Do you lack it? Does it spill from your every pore? Well I shall teach confidence RIGHT NOW!

Step 1: First, you must stand up straight. Others are intimidated by good posture. It shows that you have no doubts in yourself. Hunched shoulders or slouching makes it look like your hiding in yourself. If you can't seem to stand straight, you really aren't confident.

Step 2: Clear yourself of doubts. Name you're fears and all you think is wrong with you. Draw an invisible line or circle or favourite shape or whatever. Put your fears, etc. in the shape or on one side of the line. Now name all you love about yourself. Think of everything your friends love (granted you have friends because there in lies a deeper problem) and everything your family loves. Take these idea with you and walk away from your shape/line. Tell the fears and such, "Sorry, but I am leaving you behind. Suck it!" Now, I'm not saying they are gonna disappear, oh hell no! They will still be there when you get home and away from people.

Step 3: Look in a mirror and say, "I look hot". It may not sound like much, but it does wonders! But you can't just say it to say it! You have to mean it. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if you want to feel hot, well damn! BE HOT!

Step 4: Find a song that makes you want to jump up and dance. Listen to it daily. Please, dance! Sing along at the top of your lungs and don't stop unless the landlord threatens to evict you.

Step 5: Don't be afraid of doing something crazy or risky. Dance in the middle of the sidewalk. Tell him/her (whichever, I don't judge!) how you really feel. Maybe it's love, maybe it's hate, who cares? Quit your job! Buy a parrot! Just go up and kiss him/her already, just to know what it's like. (think through that one carefully though, especially if it's your first kiss...)

Step 6: Walk proudly down the street and watch heads turn. Strut dammit!Everyone will wonder who it is and guess what? It's you! Beautiful, confident you. Enjoy it, bask in your glow, and smile.

Believe in yourself and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! No matter what, you are always somebody. <3

Stupid Commercials

Some commercials are just plain stupid. Like Clearblue pregnancy tests. "1 in 4 women misread a traditional pregnancy test". I am sorry but 1 in 4 women must be complete idiots. It's either a plus or a minus. Plus means yes, you are indeed screwed, and minus means, nope, woohoo go have another drink. Then we have the "natural" male enhancements. Nothing is natural about wiener pills. And all of the men on those commercials are like 172 and look as if the most exciting thing ever was winning bingo this week. Change the channel and you've got the oddly sexual cat food commercials. I can't have cats, (allergic) but if I did I don't think I'd be mixing their food up in a crystal dish and petting them sensually. eHarmony. Why? What makes you think you know me well enough to find my soul mate? No, just no! And what about those hair loss or diet commercials where the before and after picture are defiantly not the same person?

Television once again will make you laugh when you watch the commercials!

A Post for Sam

Hello Sam,
Yes, I am speaking directly to you. You got sassy today because I haven't posted in a while when indeed I was planning on it. However, in addition to my post tonight I have decided to single you out and write you my thoughts. YES! That mass of strangeness that frightens even me! I am terrified by my own brain. I have no control over it whatsoever. I made a summer playlist on my iTunes. I'm listening to it now and it's on a Gavin DeGraw song called In Love With a Girl. It's not that good to be honest but I like the sound of his voice so whatever. For some reason my iTunes has also decided to start skipping like a CD with a scratch on it. Rocket Power. Good show. I miss it. Catdog. Hey Arnold. Football head. Helga and that guy that always shows up behind her when she's spilling her soul about Arnold and then punches him in the face and breaks his glasses. He must have alot of glasses. Arte. Wheelchair. DANCING QUEEN! Ooh! Gavin DeGraw song just finnished! Now 99 Red Ballons which is kinda sad but there's a verse in German so I'm cool with it. Not sure who it's by. I got it when Hanna and I made a mix CD. We called it Swim Fishy Swim. Not sure why... We are strange. Woods. Pilgrims. Teepi made of heavy branches. Twine twine, never enough twine. The river seemed so much deeper when we were 5. Walking on the ice into neighbor's yards by accident. Sara going through the ice. Hanna F U! You were not stuck in that tree and I ran into a glass door because of that! I slammed it on my hand that day too! You guys suck! Sorry for getting milk in your hair Susan. I do not say milk weird! AHHHH!!!!! Monkey monkey underpants, the end!

There ya go Sam. A post for you and really no other purpose. Enjoy it darling. <3

Give Them Jazz Hands and They Will Come

Hello world, I am a homo-magnet! It's a gift, I know. I do not seek the gays, I swear. They somehow all find there way to me. I don't think I even have a guy friend that is straight. Today, yet another person came out to me. I'm not sure what it is about me that seems inviting to them, but it must be something. I am the shepherd and they are my flock. Don't even try to get them, it's a God-given talent that cannot be taught or learned. It also helps when you have a perfect gaydar. I don't mind it, in fact, I love them all! It just makes finding a boyfriend exceedingly difficult. I mean, how am I supposed to get a guy if people constantly assume I am dating my homos? I AM A SINGLE LADY!!!!!!! Seriously, it's frustrating! All I want is a date now and then, but instead I get guys thinking they can act like a boyfriend because I sometimes seem that way with my bgf's or they don't bother because they think I'm taken. Don't get me wrong, I love me bgf's. I wouldn't give up my time with them for the world! However, get me a boyfriend and my life will be complete.

Irrational Fears

Irrational fears. Yes, we all have them so don't even pretend you don't. For example, I refuse to step on grates or sewer covers on the street because I am afraid of falling in. Or the messed up dreams I have that illustrate my fear of losing my best friends. I can't sleep without holding something (Sorry to my friends if that has been your body...) and if my legs get too hairy it freaks me out. I can't be in my house alone when it's dark at night because I start seeing things and hearing voices. The list could go on, but it just makes me sound nuts.

How do we conquer these fears? Simple, we don't. We learn to live with what we can't control. I will forever be stepping around sewer grates. I may always wake up at 2 in the morning with a sad looking squished stuffed animal and a call to a friend to calm me down. I will constantly shave my legs, even in the winter when nobody cares. I will avoid the dark abyss of loneliness like the plague. What I won't do however, is let it control my life.

I may go out of my way for some things, but I will not cower in fright at an unshaven leg. I will live, learn, and deal, and I'll do it all with the best people by my side.

Stereotypes

Let's just take a minute to talk about stereotypes. First of all, do they benefit anyone? Nope. So why have them in the first place. My absolute "favourite" stereotype has got to be the gay/lezzie one. So pretty much every girl with short hair is now a lesbian. I am guilty of being the kind of person who holds hands with my friends (male or female) anywhere and everywhere. I'm a touchy-feely person, yet I am straight. What a phenomenon! And then of course every guy with a slightly higher voice or not too much muscle. That ain't gay (all the time), that would be genetics my dear friend. Also, not every lesbian will kick your ass and not every gay boy frolics about and won't stand up for himself. LIES. And newsflash, there is a pretty wide spectrum. You can even be bisexual (as in you like both men and women) which I know may shock some, but it does indeed exist! Cut the crap and realize that your sexual orientation only charaterizes your preference in mate, not your body or actions.

Another I just "adore" would be the so called difference between people better off finacialy and the people who have less. So I suppose that if you have money then you're a betch and are not someone I should trust cause money is the only thing that matters to you? How 'bout no. What if they work hard for their money doing something they love with good intentions and a wonderful soul? There are some pretty mean poor people. Suppose someone is a little too fond of the drinkies and as an effect creates a hostile environment. Not saying the money thing has anything to do with alcohol...but I digress...

Lets see...what else can I throw in here. Don't smoke. Don't drink and drive. Go to school. Get off your lazy ass and stop worrying. Smile and let loose. Goodbye and goodnight!

This I Believe

I used to believe that I could do everything alone. I didn’t need anyone but me and that was the way I liked it. That was before my entire view on life got turned around, before my beliefs became the exact opposite.

A year and a half ago my father went to the hospital. I remember that day perfectly. It was the day after new years and he had just gotten home from a trip. I made him two eggs scrambled without anything on them. He was talking to the health insurance people on the phone for two hours. He told me it was nothing serious, that it was probably appendicitis. My sister Sara drove him to the hospital. I waited all day at home with no idea what was going on. Nobody knew what was happening. Even the doctors were having trouble figuring out what the problem was.

I was home alone. My mom was at work and she got the messages backwards. He was in the Intensive Care Unit for a long time. They finally found out that he had a serious infection.

I remember my mom asking what I wanted for dinner on my birthday.

“I want dad’s chicken parmesan.”

“I can make chicken parmesan too”

“No, I want dad to make it.”

“Well I might have to do it.”

To me that meant that dad wasn’t going to be around to do it. That he would still be sick, or worse. He was in the hospital for about seven weeks, maybe more. I’m surprised that I never ran out of tears.

People were all around us. They were giving us food and talking to us nonstop. I didn’t want that. I didn’t tell anyone what was happening. Not my teachers or even my best friends. I would go to the hospital and come home to do school projects and piles of homework. I think the reason I did all that is that I didn’t want to seem weak. In trying to be strong, I became the weakest link in the chain of the world.

This is why I now believe that people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. I found this belief in the soothing words of Barbra Streisand. I have my safety net of friends who care immensely about me and I wouldn’t give that up for the world. Every time I have a friend that truly matters, I feel like a piece of my heart belongs to them. If I lose that friend, their piece of my heart breaks off with them. I need them all, and that makes me pretty damn lucky in my opinion. I am lucky, I am strong, and I am loved.

More Best Friends

There is a lovely thing called a "This I Believe" essay that is a requirement for my English class. Instead of stupid, boring, standard 5-paragraph essay, this piece of writing reaches into your heart and tugs at your innermost emotions. I think I shall post it, but that will be separate from this. But, I digress.

I have been thining about my safety-net of friends while writing this. I circulate around guys more I think because I feel protected when I'm in their arms. I know that is right because of the men I find the most comfort around. I want to publicly thank my two best friends.

Michael, I know that you will always see a part of me as a small child, no matter how old I grow to be. I can always count on you to cover my ears when people say bad things and you certainly do snap whenever someone tries to hurt me, even if it may be a joke. I'm going to miss you more than anything around this time next year. <3

Samuel, my own part of God's heart. Can you believe it has almost been a whole year of the best friendship ever? One great, fabulous, snazzeltastic year. I say, "I need you" and there you are. You give the best hugs and there is deffinatly some sort of connection through our brains. You can tell exactly what is going on in my head, always. I try to do the same for you darling. What am I going to do without you? <3

I love both of you more than words can express, and nothing could ever possibly change that. Never forget that.

Friendship

Friendship. I have decided, is like the relationship between the shark and the fish that eats crap off the shark's belly. No, not like, "Hey, I'll lick your tummy if you promise not to kill me!" More like, "I'm gonna stick to you and I know you'll keep me safe". The shark is a protector. Sharky will send any other predator away with a bloody tail if they tried to attack fishy. All because in reality, that shark needs the little fishy just as much as little fishy needs big sharky. There is nobody in the entire big blue ocean that little fishy looks up to more than big sharky. Fishy will do all in it can for sharky, no matter what. This analogy officially made more sense in my head...
Biffles for Liffles
<3 SL <3 MP <3 HM <3 MW <3 AH <3 everyone else <3

My Head

Ah, my head. This is a very strange place, I assure you. Before you ask, yes I do plan on getting a full phyciatric examination before I reach the age of 30. Also tons of therapy. I highly doubt any of this will work because I am a crazy person.

I have been having nightmares lately, vivid and very long. I have written a few down and am busy posting these unconscious epics on my other blog, Published By Chapter. In all of these horrific night visions I am the person being injured beyond belief and nobody comes to the rescue. What this says about me, I have no idea. My poor teddy bear has been repaired several times this week. I am sorry Pandora :[

I have also taken to writing down every thought that passes through my head. It is very weird. I did this in English class a few days ago and gave it to my friend Delaina. She apparently hung it on her bedroom wall. It made me feel quite special. I shall put an example of this craziness at the end of this blog.

My grandmother was apparently crazy. I bet it skips a generation or one of my mother's siblings is cuckoo or something like that. Oh well. I have accepted there is something wrong with me.

My thoughts...

Aah I'm loosing Internet connection! Shittles! Oh bother I just swore on the Internet! I wish my j key wasn't sticking. JJJJJ!!! I love Diana from Next to Normal but I like Natalie's songs better. Oh man skirts! Ugh. There goes Mike again, thinkin' we all died. I wonder why. I am very much alive. Today. RAWR! Tehe. That's what I put in my Skype status every time I'm on my period. I guess as a sort of warning for Sam or something. I've never snapped at him really, but oh well. I still have Almost, Maine on my bedside table. I bet Sam wants that back. Or John. John must have tons of copies, he wrote the damn thing. It is quite magnificent though. I haven't finished my Will & Grace marathon. I <3 & they remind me of AFP. Ampersands for Amanda F*ing Palmer. She did a live web cast the other night with Evelyn Evelyn. They hate cameras though. They are conjoined twins with a rather tragic story. Bimba and Kimba. Elephant Elephant. I'll make Marie the panda. Why on earth did I ever make a heart shaped pillow with lace? I don't want anyone to leave. Have I been writing this long enough? Maybe. Monkey monkey underpants. Alanah get's the monkey. What for Grace? Possibly a wacky zebra...no. What animal strips? That would be Grace! Mystery Machine! Scooby-dooby-doo I am sick of your theme song. Drats! The game is up! Foiled again! LIES! Are we human or are we dancer? I'm dancer. A crazy dancer. Tu ne pars pas moi! Je veux toi ici! Michael! Flunk damn it! Well this was fun. Bye bye world! Puppy! Parakeets are cooler. I was leaving wasn't I? OK. Kisses! If you like to kiss then you have my permission ;] <3

Techies!!!

We all love our techies! They are the ones who make us sound good, and look good, and make sets, and a bunch of other crap that the actors adore. Well I went to my school's chorus and band concert a few nights ago, and I sat with Manda, Mike, Shannon, and Izzy. I get all of my brilliant writing ideas when I'm around Manda. We had been talking about how the mass of people looked like a sea of rainbow fish and wondering what the heck we were huffing, when Mike (resident techie) decided our wacky conversation should be over and shined a flashlight in our faces. You're probobly asking why he had a flashlight. Well, being everyone's favourite techie is a tall order indeed. He always has a flashlight in a flashlight holster around his belt. Manda and I then figured out exactly how a tech army would force all actors into submission. I am in the midst of writing a story about how this would go down exactly. This story will be posted upon compleation. :]

Simple Pleasures

I think everyone should have at least five simple pleasures. At least five things that make your soul light up and your smile widen. I have more than five.

1. Stars
2. Snow
3. Puppies
4. N.Y.C.
5. Best friends
6. Amanda Palmer
7. Love
8. Drama/Theater
9. Jamming
10. Soft things

Please if you read this, think of your simple pleasures, and tell me what they are. I enjoy sharing!

The Stars

Trust me, I'm not crazy.

I think that if the stars could talk, they would tell the sweetest stories. I mean, they have seen an awful lot. They probobly sing, and tell jokes with the moon. They are just a little too far away for us to hear them. Either that, or the world is just to loud. Really, think about just how much we worry, and talk, and yell. Then there's the sounds of nature too. Animals make an awful lot of unnesecary noise. If for just one minute the entire world could go silent, imagine what we would hear.

I told Sam this theory one night. He asked if I had been huffing paint and sent me to bed. Now he thinks it's hillarious. I just like to believe that there's something more, something a little magical and special. Silly hopes, but hope all the same!

Charles Dickens

In English class, we have begun reading Great Expectations by the ever so acclaimed Charles Dickens. I am the only person who has not merely read the book already, but also the only one to enjoy it. This may have something to do with the fact that I read the dialogue aloud in various British accents. Personally, I love Charles Dickens. My favourite is Oliver Twist, no doubt about it. I like the way he describes everything happening in such immense detail. I understand that he got paid by the word, and that's why he did this, but I still enjoy it, nevertheless. I just wish more people would open their hearts to his style. Please, give Charles a chance!!!

New Trimester

Today was the start of the new, and last trimester of the year. My classes are much easier and as a result my backpack is ten pounds lighter and my stress level is back to negetive levels. Is this a good thing? Some might think it isn't so great, but I enjoy it!

Number one thing I'm going to have to get used to: not eating breakfast in class anymore. I have gotten used to toasting a bagel at home and taking it to first block Algebra. Now my day begins with French, and foreign language teachers don't want anything in your mouth during class.

Also, now that there aren't many things in my backpack, it doesn't stand up on it's own anymore. It gets very annoying to keep propping it back up against the desk.

Biggest accomplishment of the day was most deffinatly figuring out my gym locker. It may have taken me four trys to get the lock open, but I did it all the same. I felt so very proud, you have no idea!

Question of the day, from me to you:
What is the best and worst part of switching classes?

My Pasta Addiction

Okay, I'll admit it. I have a pasta addiction. I have made pasta for dinner almost every other night for the past two months. It doesn't seem that bad if you are what you eat. Who doesn't want to look like a noodle? It becomes a problem when you change from a noodle to a peice of shell pasta. I'm making a vow, right here, right now, to end this sick malnurishment! No more pasta for me! Well, not ever because I do love italian, but I will stop having a constant parade of pasta. This is a noodle revolution baby! I shall reign on high soon enough, mark my words!

Heyy!

Hello and please welcome to the stage, a new blogger. Yes, I have never done a blog before in my life, but I have been thinking about it for a while and I think it sounds like a plan. You see, I want to be remembered. I want people to know who I am. Lucky you (whomever may be reading this, gosh I hope it's someone!) you get to know all about me. You have the good fortune of entering my life. Here is a little about me so that we may become better aquainted.

I am a high school student, but unlike most high school students I know exactly what to do with my life. I desperatly want to be an actress on Broadway. I would love to teach an art class in Central Park. When it comes my time to retire from the stage, I'll be a makeup artist. I absolutly adore cooking, music, and sewing. After I finnish school, I'm moving to N.Y.C. to live with my two favourite men, Sam and Mike (who you will be hearing alot about). I love all of my friends to death and never have anything bad to say about them. In my opinion, if you have something bad to say about someone you call a friend, then they just shouldn't be your friend. I learned that lesson the hard way...

Music I <3 = showtunes, Amanda Palmer, Glee, Idina Menzel, some Franz Ferdinand, and I rather enjoyed the last Owl City album! My musical taste pretty much molds with who I hang out with.

My favourite movies include Agust Rush, Juno, Driving Lessons, Harry Potter, Finding Neverland, well, pretty much anything with Johnny Depp I'll watch! I love Ugly Betty and can not believe that it got cancelled. I talked with the producer once and scored two signed photos from the cast. I love to laugh at the epic fail that is Secret Life of the American Teenager. Bad plot + bad acting = me laughing my ass off and my mother creating a new drinking game. (no, she isn't an alcoholic, she was drinking iced tea) Also watch Project Runway and adore Modern Family.

Warning: I am a coffeeholic and I don't care. Today I've had 4 cups and I still want more. I go crazy without it and can barely function. Don't give me crap for it either. I've been drinking it since I was a fetus and still ended up at 5'6" and I am in perfect health, so shut up about stunting growth and stuff. If you are like me, join the group Coffeeholics Nonannonymous on facebook.

I hope to blog every day, but knowing me, I'll slip up. I might not post if I've had a boring day, but that might also result in a funny bed-time story. Love to all who read and follow, and much more love and laughs to come!